Cryptic Crossword 2009

Across
1 Ninja panics, hiding within his home? (5)
4,23 Slim French tart sounds a bit like new agent. (5,3)
7 Can come after snow falls. (5)
10 Rose often follows Henry. (5)
13 Have 8 41 25, sound bell after slicing potato. (7)
14 Often segmented, encountered around boat. (6)
15,11,63 Organise deeds; tie such a home. (4-8,5)
16 Drive right into the money. (5)
17 Crystal meth? Stay stimulated! (8)
18 Blessed girl gets first kiss. (5)
19 Restrained from disagreeable diet. (4)
20 65 work from Centre of Statutory Love Circle! (8)
22 Decoding analog state. (6)
23 See 4a
25 See 8
26 Enigmatic Allah permits this. (5)
27 Father Christmas may dirty these when descending unswept chimneys? (5)
29 Changes tides. (5)
31,32,33,35 After a coincidence, say, relate ski-mad thinking recklessly. (5,5,5,5)
36 See 53
37 New York's variant, for example, is as moving as LA's? (5)
39 Rowing from the rear ending with an afterthought. (5)
42 Examine that ticket for space above. (5)
44 Bewilderingly, he sent Alp beasts. (9)
45 Female camouflaged 67 in ambush. (4)
46 Awkward embrace goes downhill. (4)
47 Help part of face after depression. (5,2)
48 Use most of the hour; must take time to prepare this spread (contains 19d?) (6)
49 Permits in opposition to account inside. (5)
53,36 Interrupts rear violation. (5,2)
54 "More erudite"? Some allow "Is eruditer". (5)
55 63-buying can confuse in passing. (12)
57 Small print pertaining to 50, say? (7)
58 Harps, when sounding, aren't favoured by 50. (5)
60 It supports a bad lease. (5)
63 see 15
65 Can let audio mixing be instructional. (11)

66 Well-suited rip effect at resort. (1,7,3)
68 Tangled up: a sightly fir-tree decoration. (5,6)
69 Replaces fouled butt tissues! (11)

Down
2 Aired after one taken from a popular mp3 player? (7)
3 It sounds like no sound. (5)
4 Pains resulting from explosives boxing in soldier who has accepted God. (9)
5 Act 1, for example? (6)
6 Ring in organs attached to iPod, perhaps? (9)
7 Admission requirement oddly darkens psycho's deeds. (9)
8, 41, 25 When Father Christmas comes down the chimney, distributing many cards is hot?(2,9,3)

9 Nativity characters can come before 23a? (9)
10 Attempt incrementally to crack this insane puzzle. (5)
11 See 15
12 Sunbeams take in miserable day: awful weather! (5,4)
16 Ensnare 67 with half-French 67. (5)
19 Often used in 48, a hit in puréed Middle Eastern speciality. (6)
21 MS Windows also known, as in 1. (5)
23 Dig up a staple foodstuff. (5)
24 Bark! Conman in disguise. (8)
27 Side by side in bra? A set is titillated! (7)
30 Arachnophobe, terrified, tests muffle limit. (6,4,6)
33 Woods left out wood for one in litter. (5,3)
34 Take seconds, okay? Sizzling platters in assigned ovens. (5)
38 Gather a gathering 8 41 25? (5)
39 Disturbing 67-rabies tax. (5,4)
40 Seal notes in seal for penultimate contest, perhaps. (4-5)
41 See 8
42 Please yourself whilst extinguishing the candles? (2,3,4)
43 Carols see rearrangement for pot. (9)
49 Five o'clock unlocked reversal of a musical note voiced with tone. (5)
50 Corrupt devil may give nothing to 58?
51 50 uses these fires. (5)
52 Easiest if ordered as per my judgement. (2,1,3,3)
56 A withdrawn cast in simple euphoria. (7)
59 one new day in Spanish state. (5)
61 Dream on! Grouped in the midst of amidst. (5)
62 Has been true. (5)
64 67 and 33 may, 50's home land taken south. (7)
67 Scan 33, for example? (3)

Yes, Self Assessment *is* taxing

Despite what the adverts say, it's never quite as easy as they make it out to be.

I'm willing to bet that most people who have to submit a personal tax return hate doing it and will procrastinate until the last minute. There have been well-publicised issues with the HMRC online web service when the load increased to such levels as to bring the service down. I'm generally quite cautious and although I'll not deal with my tax return at the last minute, I'll try to get it done well before the final deadline. However, it's still a chore and one that I never feel I have the energy for to tackle it mid-week. It' s a weekend job. I'm willing to bet that it's the last thing most people want to think about when they return from their day jobs during the week.

Full service available except where indicated belowFriday 20 November 06:00 – Monday 23 November 06:00Due to a scheduled upgrade, if you use our HMRC software you will be unable to access our online service between 06:00 on Friday 20 November and 06:00 on Monday 23 November. If you use commercial software you will experience a delay in receiving your online acknowledgement during this time. Your acknowledgement will be sent once the service is restored. Please do not attempt to resubmit your submission. We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause.

So why is their downtime on the weekend? This is the message currently on their website. Surely it's more expensive for them to employ people to run the upgrades during the weekend and if it is indeed more inconvenient for the typical end user (i.e. me) why foot this cost? I think it's because no one has bothered thinking about it. They're not a business and the responsibility to submit a return is not theirs, it's ours. They know we haven't got a choice but to pay. Their IT contractors always upgrade systems on weekends and therefore they're just using the same formula. No one cares if the end user is inconvenienced.

Pointless store polices: buying medicine and beer

Pharmacies are apparently not allowed to sell two tubes of hydrocortizone to the same person in the same transaction.

I discovered this at the Milton Tesco a while back and still don't understand the policy. I know it's not possible to buy large quantities of Paracetamol, as they're scared of facilitating suicide. The logic must be that if someone feels suicidal enough to go through the supermarket check out more than once they must really be serious about it whereas those who don't want it so badly will not want to waste the time to queue twice. I wonder how many lives have been saved as a result of this policy?

But Hydrocortizone is a skin cream used to treat eczema. I ran out and wanted to buy a replacement. I thought it sensible to get a tube for home and one for work so I wouldn't have to carry it about with me. Apparently the nanny state thinks I'm not mature enough to make this decision for myself, and selling two tubes to me in one go would tempt me to treat too much eczema in one go? The mind boggles. The lady behind the counter didn't know. I asked her what would stop me buying another one later on and apparently nothing could, unless they happened to recognise me (*).

So why bother?

It was no big deal as I just picked it up the next time I passed a pharmacy, but why inconvenience me because of a rule that isn't possible to enforce? I'm now really intrigued to know how the government thinks I can abuse myself with two tubes of Hydrocortizone instead of one. I've even Google searched for this and can't find anything.

*This reminds me a little of the Sidney St Sainsburys who refused to sell me beer not because I didn't have ID, but because someone else who was with me didn't. Apparently everyone in a group has to have valid ID to prove that they were over 18. This is crazy because there were parents with their kids buying bottles of wine. Why is this any different? I also asked them what would stop me returning to the store without my friend and they said they could only stop me if they noticed me do this. So on my way out of the store I bought the six-pack of Carling and the till on the opposite end, my friend nowhere in sight. I'd like to clarify that we were both well over the age of majority so no law was broken. I raised this with Sainsburys after the event and they told us it was the law, but I have since checked and they are wrong. They have to have a strong belief that the alcohol was being purchased to supply to minors. I'd admit that this was just a minor inconvenience to me (no pun intended), but yet another example of a policy that isn't enforceable and therefore shouldn't be in place. I wonder how many times someone buying alcohol illegally for youths have been thwarted because they were careless enough to bring the youths with them in the check out queue?

Want music while you jog? No sweat, just get the new iPod Shuffle!

Actually, what I really mean is that you should only get the new iPod Shuffle if you really don't sweat at all. It won't work otherwise.

I've owned a new iPod Shuffle (3rd Generation) for a little over a month and have generally been very pleased with it. It's small (tiny), light, easy to use and has convenient controls on the ear phones.

So far so good.

I was naturally disappointed when the iPod failed during a 15-minute session on the treadmill last week. The volume controls stopped working and shortly afterwards the main button (actually, the only button on the Shuffle) stopped working too. Of course I still have the receipt so I just assumed I'd have to return it to the Apple Store and get a new set. However, it started working again a couple of hours later, although it seemed a little intermittent. A day later it was much improved, but still failed after about ten minutes. Now it's just working again, so do I bother replacing it or not? I don't go to town much and it would be a hassle to make an unnecessary trip.

I searched the main Apple site to see if I could troubleshoot the issue myself. Maybe it was a firmware issue? Unfortunately the support site didn't describe my issue. Maybe the problem is only hitting me?

However, it's always worth doing the odd Google search to see if anyone else has reported it. After a few searches I found: http://discussions.apple.com/thread.jspa?threadID=1985153&start=90&tstart=0. This thread describes the exact same issue: moisture on the headphones causes the buttons to fail. It's comforting to know that loads of people are experiencing the same issue and there is evidence that Apple has to an extent acknowledged the issue and is giving out replacements on a case by case basis. I'm slightly annoyed that I had to find this myself and it wasn't evident from Apple support pages. This appears to be a case of concealing the embarrassing truth that the new iPod Shuffle doesn't function correctly when used during exercise.

I would have thought it appropriate for an Apple customer service representative to respond to the forum with advice on how current Shuffle owners should deal with the problem and what Apple are trying to do to remedy the situation.

As suggested on one of the forum responses I have left my feedback on http://www.apple.com/feedback/ reporting the issue and asking them what the official suggestion from Apple was. I'm not too hopeful that I'll get a response given that upon submission the following message comes up: "We cannot respond to you personally, but please know that your message has been received and will be reviewed by the iPod shuffle Team". Great!

I still don't know what to do. If I happen to be passing the Apple Store I'll pop in and get their advice. Otherwise, I might just see if I can live with it. I don't do that much jogging so I shouldn't be impacted a great deal, but it does make me wonder whether it will stop working when I get caught out in the rain, or on a particularly humid day?

Ironically, I bought an iPod after having gone through two Sony mp3 players, each failing with the same headphone jack problem and there was no obvious way of fixing it). I assumed that a company of Apple's reputation would be a better bet.

I was wrong.

I will, however, redeem Apple if they:

1) acknowledge the problem on their support website
2) fix the problem and offer all iPod Shuffle owners a replacement set of earphones

Bagless Hoovers - not at neat as you might expect

We bought a Hoover Alyx TC1183 Cylinder Cyclonic 1800W HEPA bagless vacuum cleaner after we moved into our new apartment. Bagless sounds like a good idea, doesn't it? No need to buy replacement bags, instead you just empty the drum into the bin and you're good to go again.

Rubbish.

Instead, you have to clean the Hepa filter after three or four uses. It's relatively easy to dismantle it and if only it were a question of following the simple instructions to "tap the filter over a bin and rinse under warm water, if necessary". Tapping hardly helps, and although washing under water seems to extract a fair amount of dirt, because the Hepa filter is pleated like an accordion, the dirt gets wedged into the fold and doesn't come out, no matter how much tapping or rinsing happens. It's dishonest. I spent a good twenty minutes of my bank holiday weekend with a screwdriver, scraping the dirt out one pleat at a time.

Before you ask, no we do not have dirt that is untypically sticky. It is normal dust and carpet fluff. I can't believe that Hoover haven't tested this and discovered this design flaw for themselves. Why doesn't the Hepa filter slide off so I can stretch it out to wash out the nooks and crevices?

I doubt I'll be buying Hoover again. My only previous experience with his brand is a washing machine that ended up leaking and the plumber said it wasn't worthwhile trying to salvage.

Christmas Cryptic Crossword 2008

Here's one I set for Christmas this year. If you don't know me (or Arti) well, it might be a little tricky, but hopefully solvable nonetheless. David Thompson completed it in about half an hour. He struggled a little with 8d (understandably), and needed encouragement to get 25d and 37d. Arti finished over half of it. Dad got one, which is possibly a slight improvement over last year's efforts.

Across
1 An inexact 72. Half clever! (10,7)
10 Tailless cat back after twisting sleeps snugly? (5,2)
14 Rich now unsettled to the east of East Anglia. (7)
15 Acidity state within a carnivore. (7)
16 24 24 should never be? (3,3,3)
17 Sound comes from this very old fridge. (8)
19 Chants, including bird sound, recently took place in Mumbai. (9)
20 See 47
23 Setter, despite beheading, is enthusiastic. (4)
24 Company presents the entire range of points to keep one up to date? (3,4)
26 Wounds resulting from distressed lioness. (7)
27 It's in Gujerati time. (3)
29 Let off no strike. (5)
31 What a bad judge might concede if he isn't? (9)
32 Record French wine heartily styled. (5)
33 Speech problem during an oral is pitiful. (4)
36 A French organisation. (2)
38 Found on both sides of stripclub doors? (8)
41 Measure John's bridge, say. (4)
43 Short time after high speed is excessive masculinity. (8)
44 Buried in a granite tomb ("The 68") here. (4)
45 One time after Cambridge? (4)
46 An auctioneer sells it all. (3,3)
47, 20 Female applies a brown backing. Also after time, results in hand print. (5, 6)
49 Bore my distressed youngest child, in theory? (6)
50 Better if found within musical sequence. (4)
52 Skinhead guy upended gets final letter. (4)
53 Those lacking influence describing empty morgue, perhaps? (8)
54 Bug off! Leak is internal. (4)
56 49 will be one of these main recipients of 85. (8)
59 Be sung? (2)
61 Likelihood not 55s. (4)
62 Bombed India's interior to settle in. (3,2)
63 Needs time in pub to find stone particular to 66ac. (5,4)
66 Before partition, Pakistan was a part in vain dialogue. (5)
68 Built for his third wife, Jahan's first two have time to be contrary. (3)
70 Sensing bad standards. (7)
71 56 aren't mature. (5,2)
72 A female god turned musically like 59ac. (4)
76 66ac put right for Gandhi. (6)
77 His belongs around SE Asian region north of 66ac. (9)
78 Earmarked when conferred to the deaf. (8)
81 I am faultless, kind of tense. (9)
82 Pulled horse in muddled dread. (7)
83 Switch alcohol with the Spanish and the French cook. (7)
84 Liqueur a Siamese consumed within this region. (7)
85 Right now introduces a convenient pact to avoid them? (9,8)

Down
1 Concealed in no viable place 72 works for. (7)
2 Claire, Charlotte and Helen may subscribe to this theory? (9)
3 Not achieved grade was distressful. (6)
4 Pole lost gold for highest degree. (3)
5 Msitake. (4)
6 Impairs how spectacle displayed here at Duxford. (3,5)
7 Overextend once inside tissue. (6)
8 Once broken in David? (8)
9 Say no more. (6,4)
10 Have some coffee and a slice of cake here? (4)
11 Prepare mix here, behind. (8)
12 Sweet girl is in 1d. (7)
13 You and I are private replacements. (8,8)
18 One is made of Cheese? Stinking brie rot! (7)
21 Draught bottled beer isn't. (2,3)
22 Tom-Tom! (7)
25 .yalpdrowS (4)
28 "Take one". Doh! Sounds like body combat! (9)
30 Bistro tiffin-box contains Indian bread. (4)
34 One of these is direct-line cousin? Sure! Remain inside. (7)
35 Risking winter sport with unfavourable 61, perhaps? (7,2,4,3)
36 In about a holy state. (4)
37 An unusual clue I have for you, beware this sample is no example! (9)
39 Too tender. Too eager to get 46? (7)
40 72 surrounded by 52s, has no time for clothes. (5)
41 Enclosed in fat. Nasty about bad 56, perhaps? (5)
42 27 of them had French. (2)
43 Clone 1001 and add 100 for 22. (5)
48 72 gets initial notice to replace loss of right opposed. (4)
50 Accent Property (letting agency) to renew tenancy agreement for free. (7)
51 Cut off loud music. (2)
55 Every other one envies no equal. (4)
57 Spasms resulting from dodgy Cambridge University fries. (7)
58 From a language perspective, 99 follows 72. (10)
59 Before hair goes south, drink! (4)
60 Grounds, say, for a refund if these are found in 63 or 67. (5)
64 A disastrous red nail! No initial stress produces this. (9)
65 Carry rifles and ram sabre in a frenzy. (4,4)
66 One of Ireland's inebriated natives? (8)
67 An authentic 37 (1,4,3)
69 Initially jockey ordered David his polo uniforms; riding trousers are made here. (7)
73 76 is but one from 66ac. (7)
74 Kings from 69, perhaps? (6)
75 Burns chant is Spanish. (6)
79 In the alphabet and in the greek alphabet. (4)
80 Regular, wordless, lyrical poems. (4)
83 Right after number it follows neither. (3)